The upside of ditching the quest for work-life balance

“

Yet every day, as a working mum, I have been trying to walk a tight rope – delicately balanced over a chasm of schedules, deadlines, stress and self-doubt.

This is the reality for every working mum that I know out there in the professional world today. At those fleeting moments when things are on track and smooth, you feel like a prize fighter and champion of the world. But when things go off the rails, that mood is turned on its head and you are relegated to feeling like a total failure.

“

My firm gets it and has implemented a series of initiatives that support and encourage working mums to stay in the workforce and enables them to strive for the top.

For a long time now, work-life balance has been a hot topic of conversation. Much has been written about this elusive, even mythical, nirvana-like state of being. I say that because I have yet to really witness or meet any working mums who have sustained this balance over any length of time. After all this talk of work-life balance, how is it we all feel like we are utterly failing at it?

Feeling that we are missing the mark happens to the best of us. It even happens to those of us who work for companies that embrace gender diversity and have flexibility built into roles for staff with young families. I am one of the lucky ones. My firm gets it and has implemented a series of initiatives that support and encourage working mums to stay in the workforce and enables them to strive for the top. My colleagues also get it. There is a broad appreciation in my team of the challenges and the need to accommodate the unpredictability of life. This environment gives me lots of flex to manage the gusts of wind that threaten to topple me. But even with this great workplace around me, I still falter and stumble. It’s part of being a working mum.

“

Let’s face it - no-one, whether they are a working mum or not - wants to balance themselves endlessly. It’s exhausting.

Let’s face it – no-one, whether they are a working mum or not – wants to balance themselves endlessly. It’s exhausting. Balancing implies that there is an even distribution of weight all the time which in today’s manic and crazy world is quite frankly, impossible. After trying hard for a long time to balance everything and not succeeding particularly well, I have decided to abandon this futile pursuit in favour of a mindset that doesn’t inherently make me like a failure before I have even begun. This concept is that of “integration”.  

When I first heard the term “work-life-integration”, I was quietly euphoric. It makes sense and reflects the reality of my life. I know how to integrate – I do it every day.  To me it’s basically multi-tasking, maximising and prioritising. These are skills that all working mums have a mastery of whether they care to admit it or not. It may seem like a subtle shift in thinking but integrating work and life is exactly what we mums do all the time.  We prep dinner while on a business call. We write emails while in line at the supermarket. We plan the weekly meals during less focused meetings. Under the work life balance model these tactics would equate to flailing arms and plummeting to earth. But with an integration mindset this makes us masters of the universe.

“

For working mums, the quest for balance must end with the lines of what is work and what is personal, increasingly blurred.

So how do we succeed at integrating work and life better than our efforts at balancing? Here are some useful tips to drive a change in mindset:

1. Drop the guilt. In today’s day and age, more and more women will work. We will work not only because we have to work but because we want to work and we should not feel bad about that. That does not make us poor mothers – it makes us modern women. Yes you won’t always be able to volunteer for classroom reading times but you will be teaching your children valuable skills in juggling and multi-tasking and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that.
2. Stop pretending that you have it all sorted. Be honest with others and mostly with yourself when things become too much. Doing this is both liberating and also helps others around you. Being honest and upfront with your partner, family, clients, colleagues and friends helps take the pressure off. You will be surprised how those around you respond.
3. Lean on others in order to lean in. Sheryl Sandberg in her 2013 best-seller encouraged women to “Lean In” to their careers, to not be afraid to reach for the top, to believe that we deserve a seat at the table. In order to do that, we need to lean on others and ask for help and not be afraid to do so.
4. Know when you are at your most productive. Productivity isn’t about where you are physically doing things – it’s about the mind-set. Figure out how you work the best. Take an inventory of your work style. Ask yourself where, when, and how do I work optimally – email, face-to-face, phone. Embracing integration means you are open to becoming an “anywhere worker” and these factors will influence professional priorities and lifestyle choices.
5. Integrate time for you. It’s easy to put everyone else’s needs, both home and work before your own but it’s critical to find some time for you. Celebrate the craziness of your life. Doing this will make dealing with those pear shaped episodes much easier.

For working mums, the quest for balance must end with the lines of what is work and what is personal, increasingly blurred. If we open our minds to new ways of thinking and doing, instead of desperately clinging to old ways of being and thinking, we will be a whole lot happier both at work and at home.

Find out more about Urbis’ focus on providing great career opportunities for a diverse work force including working mums.

This article first appeared on LinkedIn.